Why Did I Say Love?
by sbeckrich
Summary: This is my first fan fiction so please take it easy on me. This is my take on what happened on the room after episode 2x24. I plan to continue on with chapters. :) Thanks for reading! I have added 5 chapters so far and with being busy right now will be adding in more chapters as I go. Please bare with me and thank you so much for the wonderful reviews!
1. Chapter 1

_Why did he look at me like that? Why? I swear Nick is the most infuriating man I have ever met!_

"Jess? Are you ok?"

His voice brings me back. Oh yah we're still on the roof. Schmidt and Elizabeth have gone back down to the loft to have what Schmidt referred to as "a mind-blowing sextravaganza." Winston called Daisy over and they have retreated back to his room, as well. It's just me and Nick up here now.

"Yes", I say to him. "Thank you for the breakfast. That was really sweet."

"I was going to give it to you this morning but you're dad showed up", Nick says with a sad tone in his voice. I don't like it.

And then there's that look. That look his gives when he is trying to decide what to say. The feeling I get in my stomach when he looks at me like that scares me. It scares me because it pains my heart to think that I could possibly be doing that to him. Making him feel unsure, scared, or hurt.

"Nick, do you want to talk about last night?"

"I don't know Jess your dad's right, I'm not good enough for you."

"Why does everyone think they know what I need? This is so frustrating!"

We sit quietly. Trying not to look at each other but I catch him peeking at me from under his eyelashes. I know my dad is right in a sense. Nick is a lazy, cable stealing slob but he's my lazy cable stealing slob and ….I need him.

_Wow I need him. Have I always known that?_

"Nick", I say softly. I scoot over to him and grab his hand, surprised when he doesn't try to pull away. "I know this is scary but, I want to see where this goes. Where we go."

"This all happened so fast Jess. You're my best friend and I don't want to screw up what I have with you. You are too important to me."

"Nick, do you remember at your dad's funeral when I said that I had your back?" "Yes", he says looking down at his feet.

"Well I meant it, I will forever, even if this, us, doesn't work out."

The thought of us not working out makes my chest tighten. I feel like I might be sick.

"Jess, you're shaking, here."

He wraps his dark blue sweater around me and pulls me in close to his chest. I rest my head there taking in his scent. Why have I never really noticed how good he smells? I could stay right here forever and be perfectly happy. But would he? I want him to be happy with me.

**The Next Morning**

_Wait I'm in my bed. What happened? No, I did not dose off while we were talking! Did Nick bring me here? _

I walk out into the hallway and I can hear Schmidt, Elizabeth, Winston and Daisy laughing in the kitchen. Maybe this is my chance. I hope they didn't hear me leave me room. I stand at his door trying to decide if I should quietly knock or just walk in. Suddenly, I hear Schmidt walking my way and the next thing I know I'm in Nick's room. I turn around and there he is, sleeping in his bed, curled up with his pillow.

_Was it really only 2 night ago that I was in here with him? _

I wonder if he always looks so childlike when he's asleep. I stand there, staring at him, wondering how I got so lucky. I can feel our connection, the strange pull in my heart that I need to be next to him. I move slowly to not wake him, and as easy as I can I lay next to him. Studying his face, I can see every line, I can feel his warmth. I place my hand on his chest just to feel his heartbeat. He begins to stir when I remove my hand. I stay perfectly still, then his eyes are looking back at mine.

"JESS! What are you doing in here?!"

"Hi" is all I can get out.

"Hi" he says back a little groggy.

"Sorry for waking you but, I wanted to see you."

"Why? To scare me half to death?"

Nervously I say, "No, umm I don't know why. I woke up in my bed and didn't remember falling asleep last night."

"Yah you fell asleep on the roof and I put you in your bed before anyone else got up."

"Oh" is all I can think to say. He could have brought me to bed with him.

"So we didn't get a chance to finish talking" he says to me with a big yawn.

"I was wondering about that but, I don't think we should talk about it. The other night, when you grabbed me from the elevator you told me not to think. I don't want to think about this. Love should be simple."

_OH NO! Did I really just say love? _

"Love..Jess I…" I cut him off before he can continue "Oh crap today is Cece's wedding! I need to start getting ready and call her."

Before he can say anything I am quietly out in the hallway. I got down to the kitchen, made some breakfast for myself and go back to my room. I need to be alone right now.

As soon as I am dressed I head to Cece's house without saying goodbye to anyone.

While I'm driving all I can see is face. His sweet face before I woke him up and ruined everything. Why did I say love? Am I crazy there is no way Nick could ever love me?

Could there?


	2. Chapter 2

_What are these women doing? I'm never going to get out of this sari. _

I'm at Cece's finally and she looks stunning in her wedding sari. Somehow Shivrang got the ink off of her face. Her aunts are wrapping me in my Sari and I feel extremely out of place. Staring straight ahead, I let these women move me this way and that. I let myself daydream but, I can only think about Nick and what I said to him this morning. I am so stupid!

"Jess….Jess…..JESSICA!"

"Oh sorry Cece. I'm a little out of it"

"I can see that. I need you to focus today. You are my maid of honor remember?"

"Of course I remember, and I still can't believe you asked me. I'm sure Nadia would make a perfect maid of honor"

"But she's not my best friend and something is not right with you today"

It would probably be a good idea to tell Cece what has been going on. She has been so focused on her wedding and we haven't had a real chance to talk.

"Cece can I talk to you about something?" I ask her shyly.

"Is that something, Nick?"

_How does she know these things?_

"Yes, it's Nick. Well I told you we slept together, and I think this could turn into something really amazing but, my dad talked to him."

"Uh oh" she says with a smirk on her face. She knows better than anyone how my dad can be.

In a rush I say to her, "He told him that he wasn't good enough for me and since then he has been so distant from me. And I went to his room this morning and when I was lying in bed with him I woke him up. Then I said love should be simple and ran off."

"Why did you run off?" Cece says a bit confused.

"Because I know he couldn't possibly ever love me."

"You love him Jess. More than just a friend, you are in love with him. I knew this was going to happen. He always points his feet toward you and you know what I say about that."

"Yes I now, but why would he want me?"

"Why wouldn't he Jess? You are smart, beautiful, funny, caring, and the whole package."

"Thanks Cece." I say with a smile and give her a big hug.

"I think you need to stand up and talk to him. Tell him what you want. Nick wants the same thing, I can tell."

**At the temple**

It's almost time for the wedding to start. Nick, Schmidt, Elizabeth, and Winston just pulled up. I rush to meet them since I ran off so fast this morning

"Where did you go this morning Day?" Schmidt asks holding on to Elizabeth's hand. Elizabeth is really good for him. I like her.

"I just wanted to get to Cece's since I woke up late"

I look over at Nick and he flashes a glorious smile at me. Where did that come from? Damn does he look sexy in that suit. He's all white shirt, black tie, I could eat him up.

"Hey Jess! You look wonderful!"

"Thanks Miller." He seems much happier.

"Can I talk to you for a sec before we go in?"

Uh oh what does he want to talk about now? My stomach churns and I can feel the butterflies going crazy in there.

"Yah uh sure what's up?"

He grabs my arm and ushers me under the pavilion.

"So I've done some thinking this morning and would you like to be my date? I mean my date for the wedding?"

"Of course I will be your date, you can't go alone."

He beams that smile at me again and replies "No and you are pretty fun at weddings."

Oh yah, when I pretended to be his girlfriend to make Caroline jealous. Wow how far we've come since then. He bows, I curtsy like an idiot and he places my hand in the crook of his arm.

"What a proper gentlemen you are."

"Gentlemen? You've seen nothing yet Day."

_Really? Have I now?_

I am absolutely giddy with happiness. Things are going smoothly and Cece is almost ready to go. As I am fixing her veil Schmidt barges in.

"Schmidt get out of here! GO!" I yell at him.

"Oh, well, this isn't the bathroom. Cecelia." He nods at her and abruptly leaves the room.

"I wonder what that was about."

"I don't know" Cece says, "I think he just wanted a sneak peek.

**Down the aisle**

After what seems like forever I am finally standing at the altar. Schivrang gallantly rode in on a white horse and is now standing in front of me. I smile at him, but think nervously to myself that something is going to go wrong. I'm not sure if it's because of what I said to Nick this morning or if it's just an off day but I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something bad is going to happen all day.

I look over at my roommates sitting in a row by themselves. Schmidt is next to Elizabeth with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Daisy finally showed up and is sitting comfortably next to Winston. I note that he seems so happy with her. And then there's Nick. My Nick. Sitting all alone with an empty seat next to him. I can't help but feel like that seat is meant for me.

The music begins and Cece walks down the aisle. She looks gorgeous. Everyone in the audience oohs and ahs at her. She and Schmidt lock eyes for a second. In that second I can see the look of uncertainty flash in her eyes. OH NO! This is not going to happen!

Cece finally makes it to the altar. She smiles a fake smile at Shivrang. Why didn't I catch this before? She doesn't want to marry him. Then why is she going through with this?

As the ceremony begin I see Schmidt and Winston leave. What are they up to? Unexpectedly, I hear an odd sound in the air ducts above my head. Is that scratching? Growling? Where are Schmidt and Winston? Cece and Schivrang have said their vows and are now about to say I DO.

I still haven't processed what happened next.

Right before Cece and Schivrang are made husband and wife, a badger falls out of the air duct and onto the priest's head. Then a pretty blonde stands up from the audience and exclaims "Schivrang I love you!"

Schivrang walks to her and plants a strong kiss on her lips. Shocked, I look over at Cece and she looks relieved.

Come to find out the hot blonde was an ex of Shivrang's named Elaine. He had dated her before Cece and was going to marry Cece to make Elaine jealous. I'm still not sure how Elaine got invited nevertheless, I am happy to see that Cece is ok with this. They both decide to continue with the reception. As were leaving I see Nick standing out front, under the pavilion again. He looks nervous, yet has a sparkle of excitement in his eye.

"Hey good looking" I say jokingly to him. He turns and smiles at me. I fall weak at the knees when I see that smile. I'm screwed.

"Hey Day, you ready to go? I thought I could ride with you. If that's ok?"

"Sure" I say, fiddling with my tiny pink clutch trying to find my keys. Finally, I dish them out and Nick grabs them from my hand. He opens my passenger side door and winks at me.

"What are you doing Nick?"

"Only being a gentleman." _Is he flirting with me?_

The silence between us on our way to the reception is deafening. Why aren't we talking to each other? He reaches for my hand and I let him take it. As he rubs his thumb across my knuckles I relax. Being us is much easier when no one else is around.

I'm the first to break our silence. "Nick I'm sorry about this morning. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's ok Jess. But, I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to have fun with my hot date"

"Hot date, huh Miller?"

"You got it Day, MY hot date", exaggerating on _my._

We reach the reception hall. Sticking with his gentlemen act, he crosses over to the passenger side, opens my door, and helps me out of the car. I curtsy at him and smile. I have never curtsied so much in my life.

With my hand in the crook of his arm once again, we walk into Cece's reception together. We reach our table and everyone looks at us. "Yuck!" says Schmidt. "What is this?" He almost looks disgusted. "Don't worry about it Schmidt" Nick replies. I pull his arm tighter, feeling pretty happy that he didn't say "nothing".

"You want to dance?"

"Why not?"

He ushers me to the dance floor and we start doing the chicken dance. This is simple, I like simple.

After a few dances the D.J. plays a slow song.

We both look at each other, not exactly sure what to do. But he pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me. For being a guy who doesn't like hugs he has done a lot of holding me lately. However, I could care less. I feel safe here in his arms. I have never noticed how strong they are. As we begin to dance I see Cece looking at us and smiling. Winston and Daisy are at the table drinking and laughing. Schmidt and Elizabeth seem to be having an argument at the back of the room.

"Jess" Nick whispers in my ear.

I pull him closer to me and rest my head on his shoulder. I love the way he smells. He has cologne on but I can still smell his "Nick", smell.

It's here, in his arms, that I realize that I will not lose him. Cece is right, I am in love with him. Everything with Nick is easy. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, he makes me a better me. He is always there for me, can make me laugh, and doesn't judge who I am. I need to stand up for what I want.

_I can do this. I can do this. _

"Nick I need to tell you something."

"Ok go for it." I think he can tell I'm nervous because we stop moving.

"Nicholas Miller, you are my best friend. I never knew that when I moved in with you three that I would care so much about all of you. Or that you would become my family. But Nick you mean so much more to me. You are caring, funny, and sweet. You make me happy Nick and I want to be with you. I want to take care of you and love you. This might seem like a mess but it's my mess and I want to be in this mess with you. I love you Nick"

He stares at me in shock.

"Nick, please say something."

"Jess…..I…..I….I don't know what to say."

"You don't feel the same way do you?" I ask him. I feel rejected and crushed.

"Jess, I don't know."

I pull away from him. I can feel the tears rolling down my face. I knew it, I knew it! Why would he ever want to me with me? How could he love me?

"Nick, I'm sorry I can't stay here."

I leave him standing in the middle of the dance floor. As I run to the door I run into Cece. I give her a big hug and tell her I will call her tomorrow. She calls after me but I keep running. I can't stay in that building anymore. The room that holds Nick, and the dance floor I just poured all my feelings onto.


	3. Chapter 3

"Jess! Jess wait!" I hear from behind me as I'm walking as fast as I can to my car. I just want to get away from here. Cece's wedding was a mess. I was supposed to be the best maid of honor and I ruined everything. Well maybe not exactly but it sure feels like this whole mess is my fault.

As I reach my car I can hear his footsteps behind me. They are getting closer and closer…..

"Nick, stop please go away."

"It's Winston Jess, not Nick."

"Oh hey Winston, today was a mess huh?" I ask him. I hope he doesn't see that I am crying.

"Yah Jess it was. So what's going on with Nick?"

"Why do you care what's going on Winston, there's a no nail oath remember?"

"Yah, I remember but that seems pretty null and void now."

"You knew?"

"Schmidt and I both know Jess."

I am taken back a bit. They both know but haven't stopped us. What is going on?

"Look Jess, I know we all had agreed that you were off limits but I knew something was up when Nick built that dresser for you."

_Oh yah. The "fluffer" dresser. _

"Whatever you are doing to him, don't stop. I have never seen him like this and well, he needs you. Just give him a chance."

"I want to Winston, he doesn't want me."

"You are crazy aren't you? Of course he does. You know how Nick is. Look, stay here I am going to go talk to him. Please don't leave."

"Ok" I say, "I'll be here".

Winston leaves and all I want to do is run. I start pacing but, I decide that I need to hear what Winston has to say. Maybe this will be a good thing. I just want to know what Nick is thinking, how he feels about me. I just want…no no…need to know the truth.

I hear the sound of footsteps and look up expecting to see Winston but its Nick.

"What do you want?" I say to him like a betrayed 16 year old girl.

"Jess I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I told you one day I might do something really bad to you."

"Nick, I don't get you."

We stare at each other. Waiting for one or the other to speak first. I'm not sure how much time passes before I hear myself say

"Please tell me how you feel." My voice is quiet as a whisper. I'm not even sure if he heard me because it takes him a few minutes to answer.

"You remember how Russell had us right on the back of those cards one word to sum up how we felt?"

"Yes of course I do", getting a little annoyed.

"Well…."

I can tell he's nervous. He is even sweating a little bit. Why is it so hard for him to talk to me? He bites his lip and swallows with a big "gulp".

"I wrote Love"

_Love? Love? He wrote Love?_

"Love?" I say to him repeating the thought in my head out loud.

"Yah Jess. I think I love you"

At first, I'm a little stunned. Wait who the hell am I kidding? I was a whole lot of stunned. Either I'm in shock or confused because I'm really not sure what's going on when Nick grabs my shoulders and shakes me a bit.

"Jess" he says quietly. "Please, say something."

"Now I don't know what to say"

"Well what did you put on your card?"

"I put love."

"Nuh uh. You did not."

"Uh yah I did Miller! But I just spilled my guts out to you in there and you didn't say a word to me. Why did you do that?"

"Jess you caught me off guard. I'm not good for you Jess. You deserve so much better than me."

"Yah but I don't want anyone but you Nick. Understand that please. Nick I want to be with you and only you. I will not give up on us."

"I don't want you to." He says.

And then his lips crash on mine. Then were all hands, and tongues, and lips. Our breathing increases when I feel him press me up against my car. He finally lets me go and I am so winded and dizzy I need a minute to recuperate.

"Jess, why are you crying?"

_I'm crying?_

"I don't know Nick. I'm just happy. I haven't been this happy in a long time."

He holds me close, our foreheads touching. I open my eyes and he is staring deeply into mine.

"Eh ehm" I hear from behind us.

"Go away Schmidt!" Nick says with an agitated tone.

"Well finally!"  
"Cece!" I yell.

"Well it took you both long enough."

She walks over and gives me a hug. Schmidt and Winston both give Nick a high five

"There will be no living with you two now." Schmidt says but I can tell in his tone and by the big smile he gives that he is happy for us.

"Don't screw this up" Winston says to us both.

It's so weird to have all of our friends around us while Nick is holding me as close as he is. It's almost inappropriate but, I like it.

Finally, the day is over and we are back in the loft, our home.

Winston has passed out on the couch. Cece and Schmidt went to his room. I'm not sure if he and Elizabeth broke up but, I think Cece is pretty happy that the wedding was called off. Nick and I are walking toward our rooms hand in hand. A girl could get used to this.

We reach our bedroom doors and look at each other. Knowing neither of us want to let go. Knowing that even though we declared our feelings for one another, me more than Nick, if we go into a room together were in this. No call backs.

He pulls me into his chest, kisses me lightly and then were in his room.


	4. Chapter 4

It's been about 4 months since Nick and I made our relationship official. Let's just say it hasn't been anything short of wonderful. I finally got my job back as an elementary school teacher and even Nick is talking about going back to school. I'm not sure if it's me but, he is more motivated and focused. It's taken some getting used to. But I don't care how long it takes. This is the happiest I have ever been in my life. I'm not sure why people say you shouldn't date your best friend. I remember our first "second" night together after Cece's wedding. I remember being very nervous about everyone in the loft knowing about us. I kind of liked our little secret but being "out" to our friends makes things a lot easier. We can be ourselves and not have to hide it. That night Nick was so sweet to me. I could tell he had relaxed a little bit.

The first night we had sex together was all passion and lust. This time was the same but there was a different tone in the air. I could feel our confidence, the passion, and the simplicity of "us". We didn't have to think like we did in previous relationships. This was easy for us, and love should be easy.

After we had entered Nick's room together he pressed me up against his door. I could feel his arousal pushing hard into my hip. His lips molded mine and took control. And somehow they knew exactly what he wanted. Our tongues brushed each other's lightly and then harder as we became more aroused. When he bit my lip I nearly convulsed.

Unexpectedly, he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his hips. We continued to kiss passionately as he carried me to his bed. I even took note that he cleaned up his room.

He climbed slowly on top of me as he laid me on his bed. He kissed me ferociously and then started to tease his way down my neck, kissing and nibbling at my jaw line and collarbone.

"Jess, I need to get you out of this sari."

"Ok" was all I could say since I was out of breath.

Somehow he found the bow that held my dress together. He tugged at the end of the wrap and spun me around. My dress fell softly to the ground and I was now standing naked in front of the man I love. And I wasn't embarrassed or afraid. He looked at me with awe, like he had never seen someone so beautiful in all his life.

I reached up to his face with my hand and rubbed his cheek. He closed his eyes and I could feel him press his face into my hand, I slowly undressed him. Teasing him as I opened every button and took off his pants. I kissed and nibbled at his chest, enjoying his sighs and the goose bumps I could feel on his arms. My touch resonated in him and it was such a turn on to see him affected by me.

Then he took me and we gave ourselves to each other once again. I wish this could go on forever. I've never known sex like this.

As we lay in his bed trying to catch our breath I remember him saying to me...

"Jess, I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt sooner. I knew I should have but I didn't know how to get the words out."

"It's ok Nick, I'm just glad you finally were honest with me."

And since then, life in the loft has been perfect. Well, for Nick and me anyway. I'm still not sure that Schmidt and Winston are used to this. Especially when we started referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, even though it felt like so much more. They are still worried that we won't work out, and don't get me wrong I'm worried too. But Nick and I made an agreement about a month after Cece's wedding not to think about messing up or the future. We want to take this day by day and have a positive attitude about our relationship.

Just like every morning Nick and I walk to the kitchen together hand in hand. I still haven't moved into his room but every night we sleep together either in my room or his. We think sharing a room together is moving too fast.

"Morning guys", Winston says to us with a smile. He is taking our relationship a lot easier than Schmidt is.

"Yuck you two, knock it off." Schmidt says to us. Since he and Elizabeth broke up he has been salty towards us. Even though he and Cece are back together.

I make us all breakfast and the boys sit down to eat. They are awfully quiet this morning. I eat faster than normal so I am not late to work. Nick kept me up a little late last night. I look over at him and he playfully winks at me. I smile a huge grin at him when he grabs my hand and pulls me onto his lap. He kisses my neck and his warm breath causes me to shiver.

"Ok Miller I need to go to work. One of us has to make some money around here you clown."

"Harsh babe". I still can't get used to him calling me babe.

He spins me around so I am facing him and kisses me sweetly.

"I love you", he whispers to me.

"I love you too" I reply, giddy like a school girl.

As I'm on my way to school I get a text. It's from Nick.

"Hey babe what are you doing after work?"

He is too sweet. I wonder what he has planned. I wouldn't care to sit at home and watch a movie with him. These last 4 months have been amazing. He has changed, I have changed, but were still the same people, just better. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I need to tell him that and I know he will agree. We are made for each other.

I begin to text him back and then everything goes black.


	5. Chapter 5

I can hear Nick's voice but it's too far away. Everything is black and I can't open my eyes.

"Jess, please wake up." Is that Cece? Why does she sound so sad? Is she crying? What happened? I can't seem to move myself, or speak and everything is still black. I want to reach her but I don't know where she is.

Am I dreaming?

"Jess sweetie please wake up. I love you." Dad? Is that my dad?

I hear the same pleas from Winston and Schmidt but nothing from Nick. What is happening, where is he?

I feel all the warm hands touching my face, squeezing my hand but, then I feel something cold.

"Baby", It's Nick. That is his hand holding mine but why is he so cold? He is always warm.

He sounds so different. His voice is soft and broken.

_Nick Nick Nick _

"Baby, if you can hear me please wake up. I need you. I'm so so sorry. This is all my fault baby please just wake up. I need to see your eyes babe. If you can hear me squeeze my hand."

He's crying. Oh no why is he crying. He never cries. Something bad must have happened but I can't get out of this darkness. He wants me to squeeze his hand. I need to squeeze passed the blackness and do this for him.

I try and try as hard as I can. I can't see any light but I can feel Nick there with me. I want to see him. I want him to know that I'm here and I can hear him. This gives me the motivation to keep pushing. He needs me.

Finally, I squeeze his hand. Not very hard but enough that he notices.

"Jess?! Jess! Guys! Come here she squeezed my hand!"

"I'm going to go get the doctor", says Cece. _Doctor? Why do I need a doctor?_

"Nick she will be ok. Don't worry."

"I know Bob but this is all my fault. I could have lost her."

"Nick, I know that I have given you a hard time because I don't want to lose my little girl. I just want the best for her. But I can tell you love her and what else should a dad want for his daughter? It's not about your job, or how much money you make. You love her and that is good enough for me."

_Wow my dad is being nice to Nick. Something must really be wrong. _

Then I hear a flurry of footsteps and a strange man talks.

"Jess, can you squeeze my hand?" the strange voice asks.

I squeeze his hand this time and feel Nick's cold hand brush my face. "Please baby come back to me" he says, then presses his lips to my forehead. They are cold too. I don't want him to be cold. I want to wrap my arms around him and hear his laugh again.

The strange voice says that I am ready to wake up and that he will be back to give me a shot.

"See Nick I told you." Schmidt says but I can hear the worry in his voice.

I think Nick is still holding my hand because the temperature of my hand begins to warm.

The strange man comes back and give me my shot.

"It will take her a few moments to wake up."

"Why don't we let Nick be here when she wakes up", my dad says to everyone.

"She will be just fine Nick" Winston says.

I feel Nick shift and hear him tell Cece thank you.

Then it's quiet. All I can hear is Nick's breathing and an odd beeping noise.

"Come on Jess open your eyes. I'm here, I'm right here."

I can see a faint light but I can't reach it yet. I'm still too lost in the dark. But I focus on the light as it become brighter and brighter. Almost too bright and then it's blinding. I blink away from the light and then I see his face. My Nick. His face is distraught and there are black rings under his eyes. He looks like he hasn't shaved in days. His eyes are red and watery. He was crying. But, where am I?

"Jess, baby you're awake, you're awake, and you're here oh thank you God."

"Nick". My voice is so hoarse I barely recognize it.

I am sore all over and am very dizzy. My head hurts so badly. Why did that man wake me up?

"Oh here hold on I will get you a glass of water"

_Why is he so frazzled? What did I do?_

He gives me a small cup of cold water and it feel so good going down my throat. It eases the hoarseness and I feel like I might be able to speak to him. Even though I also feel like I forgot how.

"What, what, what happened?"

"Jess, baby, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

He lays his head on my lap. My leg aches a little but I don't want him to move. Very slowly, I move my hand up and run it through his hair.

"What", is all I can manage to get out.

"You were in a car accident because of that stupid text I sent you. You were hit head on. Your car is completely totaled and they…the…we thought."

He starts shaking and crying again. They must have thought I died. Oh God. I can only imagine how I would feel if I lost Nick and my heart aches. He thought he lost me.

"I'm ok"

"No you're not! Look at you. I can't believe I did this to you"

He rests his head on my lap again. My vision is still blurry but I can see a cast on my right leg, my right hand is wrapped up, I can feel a wrap around my chest, and my left ankle has some odd metal thing sticking out of it. I am messed up.

"Nick", speaking is getting easier, "You didn't do this to me. This is my fault I wasn't paying attention. You were not driving my car."

"I might as well have been. If I hadn't have texted you."

"Shh. I'm ok, I will be just.."

"Don't say fine" he interrupts me.

"Fine!" I say, sticking my tongue out at him.

"There's my girl", he smile at me and kisses me. It hurts my head but I don't care.

"How long have I been out?"

"3 days. Jess I thought you were dead. I've never been so scared in my whole life."

"I don't remember any of it. I just remember thinking that I needed to tell you something."

"And what was that?"

Should I tell him this now with him in such a fragile state? It's hard for me to even understand why I remember this. Maybe because it was the last thought that ran through my head. Maybe now is the best time to tell him. He said he needs me.

"Nick, I love you, you know that right?"

"Of course I do Jess, and I love you, more than you know. This has really opened my eyes Jess. I don't ever tell you how I feel. Jessica Day I love you and need you. You are my whole life. Since I met you my life has not been the same. You make me want to be a better man. You are beautiful, sweet, smart, funny, and amazing. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please don't ever leave me."

Wow! We are on the same page.

"Nick, I don't want to leave you. I was going to tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you too. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. You are my best friend."

Suddenly, he is kissing me hard. God, I missed him.

"Ow ow"

"Oh sorry babe I didn't mean to"

He kisses me softer this time and I hear the door open.

"Hey lovebirds."

"Hi, Schmidt" I say shyly. This is still awkward.

He comes over to the left side of my hospital bed and lightly kisses my forehead.

"We were worried about you kid."

Next, in the room is Winston. He has tears in his eyes.

"Hey Winnie", I say to him with a smile.

He walks over to me, squeezes my hand and hugs me. As he hugs me he whispers in my ear that Nick has been a complete mess.

Next walks in Cece and she does not resemble the beautiful model I know. Her eyes are bloodshot, her hair is a mess and she has no makeup on.

"Oh Jess thank God you are ok. I haven't worked in days, I haven't even left the hospital. Jess don't ever do that to me again!" She starts crying again.

"Cece I'm sorry." I feel really really bad.

The doctor walks in and asks everyone but Nick to leave. I make a mental note that my dad hasn't been back in. He was here right? I know I heard him. The doctor looks me over, asks me how my pain level is and lets us know that I will have to stay in the hospital for a few days for observation. He tells me that I had swerved into oncoming traffic and a truck hit me head on. I was trapped in my seat and they had to extract me from the car. My right leg and right wrist is broken, I have a pretty nasty concussion, 4 broken ribs, and my left ankle is shattered. It had to be reconstructed and that is why there is a metal rod sticking out.

After 3 more days in the hospital they let me go home. In the car Nick holds me tight, like he will never let me go again. It worries me. Will he always be this protective now? I am still dizzy and the pain pills make me a little loopy but I am perfectly content here in his arms. Once we reach the loft, everyone slowly helps me out of the car and then Nick picks me up.

"Nick I am just fine to use my wheelchair."

"No, I don't want you to get hurt."

"And you are a clumsy ass. You'll drop me."

"I will not. I will never hurt you again."

He still hasn't gotten it in his head that he didn't hurt me. Oh well, there is no use fighting over this.

Finally in our home, loft 4d, I can relax. Maybe things can go back to normal now.

Nick carries me to my room and places me gently on me bed.

"Wait, please don't leave me."

"Baby I'm not going anywhere."

He places pillows behind my back to prop me up and carefully climbs in bed with me. He grabs my uninjured hand and rubs the back of my fingers.

"Jess you have no idea how happy I am that you are ok."

"I think I do." I smile at him and rest my head on his shoulder.

I must doze off because when I wake up we are both lying in bed together. He has me wrapped safely in his arms. I am too warm but I don't want to disturb him. He has gotten less sleep than I have.

I stare at his sweet face. I am pretty lucky. He stirs and opens his eyes.

"Hey there"

"Hi", I reply with some enthusiasm.

"Do you need anything?"

"Yah can we go out in the living room please?"

"Sure let me get you up"

He helps me up gently and carries me out onto the couch.

Everyone is out in the living room. Even Daisy is here. They are all watching a football game.

Nick gets me a blanket and sits next to me. I curl up into his side and rest my head on his shoulder. He is warm now that I am home and safe. Cece and Schmidt are sitting next to each other holding hands. Winston has his head on Daisy's lap and she is rubbing his head. Cece smiles at me and I smile back. Schmidt looks at us at shakes his head. I'm not sure why he does but I giggle at him. Winston looks at Nick and they exchange a look only they understand.

"I'm sure glad you're home Jess" Winston says.

"So am I Winnie, so am I"

Right here in Nick's arms, surrounded by my friends in Loft 4D is exactly where I belong.


	6. Chapter 6

# t #  
For some reason I can't sleep. So much has happened in the last few days. I'm just thankful I am still alive. Sore, but alive. Laying in my bed looking at my ceiling, I make a mental note. "Jessica Day, you will no longer take life for granted"  
With a smile, I let out a sigh of relief.

Nick is curled up into my right side. He has not left me for more than a minute since I've been home. I'm too hot and his arm wrapped around me is putting pressure on my aching ribs but I do not dare to move him. He's been through the wringer.

I stare at his face, amazed at how much he has changed. He has been so open and that is saying a lot for my grumpy old man. I slowly push back his hair with my left hand. His hair is so soft, intertwined with my fingers. He stirs suddenly and I pretend to be asleep. I feel the soft pressure of his lips on my forehead. I can hear is rapid breathing. What's wrong? Anxiety is pouring out from him. I jump a little when I feel his fingers on my neck. Hah, he's checking my pulse again. He curls back up into my side, pulling me in close to his chest. I take a deep breath, taking in his heavenly smell. I never want to forget it. As I relax in the arms of my Nick, I drift off to sleep.

"Jess, are you ok? Wake up." I hear Nick's voice but it's far away. "No, leave me alone, five more minutes" Nick giggles. "Jessica, baby, get up. I have a surprise for you."  
I'm awake but I like playing with him.. "No! You can't make me go to school! I don't wanna"  
Whack! OW! He smacked me on the ass!  
"Jessica Day, get up...Now" Nick says sternly. I guess he's not messing around.  
"Fine, I'm up, I'm up. What do you want?"  
I slowly raise myself up on my elbows. I'm not as sore as I was yesterday. I actually want to go outside. Maybe I can read or something this afternoon. Nick must think I'm in pain because he rushes to my side to help me sit up. He sits down next to me, making sure not to jerk the bed too much. He tucks my messy, just woke up hair behind my ear and stares intently into my eyes.

"What time is it?", I ask with a very unladylike yawn.. I could have slept forever.  
"It's almost one in the afternoon babe. I let you sleep in."  
Holy shit!  
"How long have you been awake?", I ask.  
Nick seems a little out of sorts, like he's nervous about something. What is he up to?  
"I've been up since about 9am. I didn't want to bother you. Plus, I had to go out and get a few things."  
"Oh yah", I reply, intrigued, "like what?"  
"Close your eyes", Nick says smiling at me. He is up to something.  
"OK...open them...now"  
I open my eyes and in front of me is a bouquet of beautiful red and white roses. WOW! How? When?  
"Oh my gosh Miller these are beautiful! You know you didn't have to get me flowers just because I wrecked my car".  
"There's more", Nick says even more nervous. More? oh my, sweet Nick. I like him. "Close your eyes again.", his voice is shaky. I close my eyes and can feel him rustling about the room. I have no idea what he's doing. He grabs my hands, being easy with my injured one. "O...OK...open" his voice cracks. My heart is pounding in my chest. This excitement is probably not good for me at the moment. I open my bright blue eyes and Nick is at the side of my bed on his knees. Only one knee. His big brown eyes are glaring ferociously into mine. I can see the tiny beads of sweat forming at his hair line. "Jessica Day, you are my whole world. I've told you before but, my life has not been the same since I met you. You make me better. These last few days put a lot of things into perspective for me. I never want to lose you. You are my best friend and the only girl for me. I love you Jessica. Will you please marry me?"  
WHAT?! AH?!  
He flips my hand over and places a small black box into my palm. Inside the box is a small, beautiful and perfect, solitary diamond ring. I am momentarily stunned. Usually I am a morning person but wow! So much thrown at me so fast throws me off guard.  
It takes me a few tries to get the words out. Nick seems so scared. He just poured his heart out to me and I am leaving him hanging. "Nicholas Miller, I don't know what to say. All I know to say is I love you too. I want to spend forever with you. Yes, I will marry you", I say to him with as much confidence as I can with tears in my eyes. He smiles the biggest Nick Miller smile I have ever seen, then were both crying His lips crash into mine. I can taste our salty tears on our lips. "Thank you, thank you, thank you..." Nick repeats with every kiss. "Lets go tell everyone."  
"Ok but help me up. You really surprised me there and my legs are a little shaky"  
"Your shaky?" he says laughing. "How do you think I feel? I just planned a proposal within a few hours this morning. Oh and I better make this official"  
Grabbing the square black box off of my bed, Nick takes out the diamond ring and places it on my left ring finger, where it will stay forever. He brings me my crutches and gently pulls me off the bed. I never realized how soft his hands are. I kiss him passionately, my fiance.

As we enter the kitchen I see CeCe, Schmidt and Winston sitting on the couch watching tv. They are watching some weird documentary.

Cece turns her head when she hears Nick and I entering the room. Not hard to miss the "klunk klunk" of my crutches. "Well hey there Miss Demolition Derby" Schmidt says to me. "Good morning to you too Schimdt" I think he can hear the annoyance in my voice because he frowns and turns his attention back to the tv.  
Nick helps me onto the couch next to Cece and he claims his space next to me. He grabs hold of my left hand, pretending to pay attention to the television. At the commercial Nick clears his throat. "Nick, shut up!", Schmidt says.  
"Schmidt", Nick says, once again nervous. "I have something to tell you. You too Winston and Cece it's probably a good you're here too"  
Cece is the first to chime in "What's going ?on? Jess you're ok right?"  
"I'm better than alright Cece." I say to her, smiling at Nick. Nick clears his throat again, and this time he gets the right words out. "Guys I asked Jess to marry me, and she said yes."

"Really', they all say in unison.  
Cece and Winston look generally happy for us. Schmidt however, asks to speak to Nick in the other room.  
Nick looks at me, almost asking my permission. The boys leave and Cece turns to face me. "Jess are you sure about this?"  
"Of course I'm sure. If I wasn't I wouldn't have yes. "I'm just making sure you are truly happy Jess. A lot of things have happened lately. Nick has changed but I still don't trust him. I don't want hi to hurt you."  
I understand Cece's worry. I'm scared. To be honest, I never thought I would be married. Especially to Nick Miller. But he has changed my life, I love him. "Cece I love him. When I moved in here I never imagined my life would be like this. After Spencer I thought I wouldn't find love, or that I had the wrong idea of love. Nick is best friend, well besides you, and I can't see myself being with any other man."  
"Ok Jess, I believe you." She leans over and gently hugs me. Looking up I see Winston leaving Schmidt's bedroom. He looks and me, shakes his head, and mouths "oh boy".  
I'm guessing Schmidt isn't taking the news to well.

Later that night, while laying in Nicks bed, he filled me in on his and Schmidt's conversation.

"Nick, what are you thinking? Jess? Really? I knew you guys were serious but marriage seriously?  
"Yah Schmiditty, I love her."  
"You thought you loved Caroline too"  
"Now wait a minute man, I haven't been with Caroline in years. Yah we had that little fling but even then, I knew I wanted to be with Jess."  
"But she's Jess man, Jess"  
"I know who she is Schmidt I never imagined it would be her. When she walked into our loft I never thought in a million years I would fall in love with her. She's so positive and I'm well...me. I'm just amazed she actually loves me back."  
"So am I", Schmidt says under his breath. "Look Schmidt, I know you have this strange idea that you're gonna lose me to Jess. It's never gonna happen. You're my best friend man, no matter what. I was gonna ask you to be my best man."  
"R...R...Really? Ok, deal...wedding ON!"

"He only cares about that party", I say to Nick frustrated.  
"No, that's not true. He will warm up to the idea, I promise."  
Nick grabs my chin and lifts my face so I can look at him. "Jessica Day, I don't care what anyone has to say about our marriage. I love you and that is enough for me."  
His honesty still blows me away. A few months ago he never would have opened up to me like this. "I want to wake up next to you every morning, and kiss you goodnight for the rest of my life Jess"  
I lean into him and kiss his lips. His kiss is gentle at first but begins to deepen into something more primal. I need him. But before I can say anything he pulls away. "Jess, no, no sex until you are completely healed"  
I pout but I know he's right. That will just have to wait. Nick turns off the light and pulls me close. I can't believe I'm getting married. I wonder what my future holds. 


End file.
